


Resolve

by teroru



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Double B, I Tried, M/M, WHEN DO I STOP??? NEVERRRR, hit me close to home fam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2019-04-07 00:36:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14069064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teroru/pseuds/teroru
Summary: To Hanbin, Bobby is the irresistible connection to the real world. Bobby keeps him intact.To Bobby, Hanbin is the purpose.





	Resolve

**Author's Note:**

> hi, please read with care. portrays of characters are based on my imaginations lmao nothing is real except for the ship. enjoy! (also, i cannot come up with a lamer title bc i suck)

There’s this thing about Bobby and there’s also this other thing about flirting with Bobby.

Bobby is the kind of guy who would say “there’s always room for desserts”, the kind of guy who has what it takes to become a global artist and then goes back to the sleep on a bed stuffed with Winnie the Pooh and friends’ toys. But that was exactly how Hanbin likes him.

Hanbin likes it when Bobby calls out to him in the crowd, when Bobby drapes his arm around Hanbin’s shoulder or the surprise back hugs from Bobby. He likes it when Bobby says ‘Hanbin’ when asked about his ideal type. He likes the playful, friendly and flirtatious comments he exchanges with Bobby on a daily basis. All their friends think it’s normal, that it’s the most common thing to do between two guys who had stuck next to each other since sophomore days.

So, when he leaned his head on Bobby’s shoulder on a tiring train ride back to the apartment—hoping for that familiar warmth to calm him down, he really wasn’t expecting to be shrugged off by Bobby. Hanbin blinks, the right side of his head no longer on the support of Bobby’s soft oversized hoodie. He looks at Bobby, eyes drowned in perplexity, confusion and tiredness, Bobby opens his mouth, tries to explain himself but it all happened so fast and soon, the empty seats next to them were taken up and everyone was chattering about how thankful they were that the reports were handed in on time.

Hanbin lets the chattering do the job, and he nods off to the small movements in the train ride.

When they got off the stop, Bobby waited for Hanbin to gather his things before promptly following behind Hanbin, he tries to find the right moment to say something, but the tug in Hanbin’s chest ignores him, maybe it’s the sleep catching up on him.

They parted ways at the train station, 3 of them goes to the North exit including Bobby while the other 3 and Hanbin goes to the East exit. Bobby says a soft ‘see you tomorrow’ to Hanbin, low and quiet but enough for Hanbin to hear him. Hanbin always hears him anyway. Hanbin lets his eyes fall on Bobby’s for a brief moment and he could tell that Bobby wants to explain, wants to say ‘sorry’ because that’s just how he is. Always worrying even though he had nothing to be apologetic about.

Hanbin gives a small smile, “yeah, see you tomorrow.” _I’m just tired_ , he thinks.

*

The way home passes by like a blur, before Bobby steps foot into reality again, he’d already shaken off his shoes. Junhoe slides into his room, inhumanely filled with energy while humming a familiar tune that Bobby can’t seemed to recall, then the room’s door slams shut. Donghyuk sighs by the counter filling his water bottle up, slightly tired but still glad the hurdle is over, he gives Bobby a stained but honest beam, “goodnight hyung,” another door slams shut.

Bobby’s left alone in the common lounge, dropping his bag on floor, he falls on the sofa, the left of his cold cheeks meeting the soft pillows. The material engulfs him and suddenly he’s filled with emotions, the bright light on the ceiling seemed to strengthen the sting in his eyes. Ok, first of all, he’s just so tired, secondly, he’s madly in love with that fucking idiot called Hanbin who just can’t seem to get the damn sign.

When you put intense feelings for Hanbin and the feeling of pulling 3 all-nighters in a row together, it often makes Bobby painfully honest. He’s afraid. Anything could happen when the brain is _this_ tired. He could tell Hanbin that looking at him (almost) every day gives him inspiration, that waking up every day seems more bearable with the thought of seeing him. Bobby could even tell him that sometimes loving him from the side can be so painful.

This type of flirtatious and fun friendship, he’d gotten tire of it, he wishes for more, but at the same time, he’s thankful to have a glimpse of it.

Bobby buries his face in the pillow, the world around him grows bigger and bigger, the clock ticks away, somewhere around the world there’s somebody who understands him, but tonight, he feels small and insignificant.

*

It’s not as if Hanbin has always been palsy-walsy with Bobby.

This intimacy didn’t just _happen_. In fact, it took them 3 months to be comfortable with each other’s presence.

Back in those days, Hanbin was a social butterfly, he did it without effort anyways, it wasn’t as if he had 100% confidence, he just _didn’t care_. He had this whole bunch of cool mixes, awfully admirable music taste and was good looking after all. But it wasn’t his appearance or his talent, more so, it was probably his natural charm. The kind that lures you in with a sheepish smile or a poker face, the kind that you’d notice in a big crowd. Hanbin was just… alarmingly charming.

Bobby was otherwise, he was shy and introverted. Bobby was the kind of guy who keeps little friends who actually matter to him. Unlike Hanbin, Bobby wasn’t someone who people approach in corridors. Think about a treacherous mountain hike, the blood and sweat of trying to start a friendship, but the efforts always pay off—the breath-taking scenery, the cool and clean breeze, the powerful presence that you can no longer ignore. Bobby is both—the hike and the scenery.

They’d only met when Hanbin, under a stressful emotionally imbalanced day, spotted him listening to dvsn.

“Hey, I love that song,” he said suddenly, in the process of dropping his textbooks (bc he’s a real dork).

The cafeteria was rather empty, and Hanbin was glad that nobody was close enough to judge the bags underneath his eyes or the colour of his pale face.

“Yeah,” Bobby replied quite monotonously, his voice was clear and distinctive, Hanbin remembered.

At first Hanbin thought, _what a cold guy_ , but even then, Bobby had put his headphones down, was at the bend of his knee to collect the splays of papers scattered around the floor. He stops at a piece of crumpled paper, took a curious peek then handed the stacks of papers he collected back to Hanbin.

He gives Hanbin a small nod, eyes not meeting Hanbin’s. Hanbin could tell from his tense shoulders that Bobby probably didn’t want him around.

“Thanks,” he said and left.

Their conversation pretty much just died on that day itself, but what Hanbin noticed in the corridor more often than ever was Bobby who gave him almost difficult to notice nods every other day whenever their eyes met which later progressed to a more confident nod along with a small smile that took about 1 month.

All these while, Bobby never approached him. And every time, they exchange facial greetings, Hanbin makes a promise to himself to approach the guy in a more acceptable way, next time, next time, next time, but next time always seem so far away.

It was a week later when Hanbin’s always annoyed chemistry lab partner, Junhoe, asked him to stay in the library to finish a write-up of which Hanbin begrudgingly agreed. He’d plan his entire day with ‘everyday goals’ listed out and doing write ups in the library with salty Junhoe wasn’t a part of it.

Hanbin, nose buried deep in the textbooks was this close to giving himself up to the thoughts running inside his mind. The library doors made a noise, someone comes in and stood right opposite of Hanbin, he didn’t bring his head up. Junhoe moves in his seat,

“What’s up?” he said, and Hanbin recalled it sounding less angry and much, much friendlier.

“Wanna go eat?”

That was when Hanbin perked up from his textbook, he remembered that voice, as clear as the day. Simultaneously, in that moment, Hanbin realized how Bobby had somehow already ingrained himself at the back of his mind. His alarmed eyes met Bobby’s sudden retreated ones.

He gives a small wave, reluctantly, Bobby returns the gesture.

“Oh man, I really want to but fuck, this write-up is literally clawing at my ass,” Junhoe groans.

Bobby sighs, “Okay, goodlu-.”

“Want to go eat with me instead?” Hanbin chimed in, Bobby turned around looking at Hanbin, eyes technically screaming anxiety. Hanbin gives an ‘its-not-funny-but-I’ll-laugh-anyway’ laugh and hoped to god that he hadn’t done something that was controlled by his random imbalanced emotions.

Bobby tried to say something but Junhoe with an obnoxious scoff interrupted, “No way in hell are you going anywhere.”

Hanbin made a disgusted face, Bobby laughed.

He looked at Bobby, face crinkled, eyes literally bending into lines, and the buck teeth was honestly bonus points.

Hanbin smiled, he wanted Bobby around more.

-

Bobby is careful.

He’s always careful and painfully cautious, but when he’s around Hanbin he’s able to be careful and loose. Bobby sees the things people don’t see in Hanbin—things that Hanbin doesn’t show to anyone, on some Tuesdays (or any other days, actually), people sees Hanbin as the same quirky and cheeky guy but Bobby sees emptiness in Hanbin’s gorgeous orbs. When Hanbin laughs, Bobby hears a call for a break from all the thoughts patronizing his mind.

He knows Hanbin works hard, or over works himself, is an overachiever, and sets goals that are way too much for himself or anyone else, to be honest. He knows that Hanbin has always been too hard on himself. In fact, he knows Hanbin more than Hanbin knows himself.

-

To Hanbin, Bobby is the irresistible connection to the real world. Bobby keeps him intact.

There’s always this kind of safety he feels when he’s around the older boy. The same kind of feeling he gets whenever he returns to his room after a tiring and empty day.

Before he met Bobby, he’d have smiled so much his cheeks would start to hurt then he’d come back to the four walls he settles in, feeling emotionally drained from all the futile efforts. He’d have gotten so used to pretending he’s feeling rather than actually feeling. So much he just can’t seemed to undo it anymore, so much that he’s forgotten how to truly feel.

Bobby came along, that day.

It wasn’t scenic or gloomy that evening, it was just a normal evening, the sun hung low and there were barely clouds resting in the sky, up above the moon appears, far and unknown. Hanbin stood, a few metres away from the gates of the university, glaring holes at the empty sky mimicking his feelings.

Bobby just trotting his way to the train station saw Hanbin’s green backpack from afar.

There was a tap on his shoulder and Hanbin whips around, seeing Bobby’s face, he was quick to draw a grin out from beneath his soul, “heeey,” he drags the ‘e’.

Bobby smiles but it didn’t reach his eyes.

They stood in silence for a while, Hanbin being too tired to generate a conversation, half expecting and internally screaming for Bobby to please do something, anything, even if it means pushing him in front of a train.

“Sometimes pleasure, sometimes pain,” Bobby recited.

Hanbin blinked, something about that familiar line, he tried hard to remember.

“I’m breathing but I’m already dead. Living in this kind of city,” he continues.

“Loneliness and regret are always accompanying me,” Hanbin finishes.

Hanbin didn’t laugh, he lets all the pretending slip from the tips of his fingers and stopped thinking altogether. That moment, his mind was nothing but the shade; black. The gravel beneath his feet swerves and it swirls and swirls, taking him down whole, Hanbin can barely breath and then there was a gush of citrus.

“Breathe,” Bobby chided softly.

Hanbin cleared his throat as Bobby reached over him, in a very, as a matter of fact, boyfriend manner, he grabbed a hold of Hanbin’s hood and delicately slid them over Hanbin’s black tousled hair.

Then he asked, “Hanbin, do you want to eat dinner together?”

If it wasn’t for the distraction of the single tear running down his cheeks, Hanbin would definitely have noticed the beat his heart skipped when Bobby said his name.

“Yeah,” he replied.

Somewhere in the street a police siren went by.

“Yes,” Hanbin said, more determinedly.

*

It’s natural, Bobby doing the wrong thing even if his nature is careful written in bolded capital letters. The next day, he sees Hanbin hunched over his laptop in the lounge, scrolling aimlessly. Bobby contemplates for a moment, thinks about a good explanation for his behaviour yesterday and then feels terrified that perhaps he’s reading too much into it—that Hanbin thought nothing about it (as per usual), but a part of him refuses to think so—a part of him _wants_ Hanbin to care, even though, it has been proven over and over again.

“Hey,” Bobby greets, dropping his books on the table.

Hanbin doesn’t look away from his screen. _Click, click._ “Hello.”

His eyes look better today, Bobby notices, probably finally caught up with a little more sleep.

“About yesterday, sorry,” Bobby says quickly.

Hanbin looks up from the screen of his laptop, it dimmed and the colour of his complexion—clear to Bobby, “What about yesterday?”

Bobby takes a deep breath, tapping his fingers on the table, he tears his gaze away from Hanbin’s, _knew it anyway_. “Nothing, really.”

Hanbin smiles, “Okay,” turning back to his laptop.

Bobby gives a small nod, even if Hanbin doesn’t look his way. Bobby wonders if Hanbin has even noticed _his_ complexion, if Hanbin had paid attention to the extra cream he applied on his face today to look less dead from the lack of sleep, to look less dead from all the crushing feelings. He smiles bitterly. The door chimes open, and Jinhwan walks in, groggily but still keeping his appearance up.

“You… I told you to wake me up,” he starts.

“I did!” Hanbin defends, laughing.

Bobby leaves silently, ignoring Hanbin’s call.

Behind, he hears Jinhwan, “Is everything okay?”

But he chooses to ignore it, he loves Hanbin, with all of his heart, but today, he needs to be away.

*

So, Bobby does this thing he’s really good at, he shuts down all the doors. He’s gone for the entire day, doesn’t even come up for lunch in the café they usually hang around for hours, he doesn’t show up for classes they share. He doesn’t go back to his room that reminded him of the hours he spent mulling over Hanbin. He goes everywhere, everywhere but near Hanbin.

Of course, his friends were quick to pick up on his weird attitude, after all Bobby only kept the ones that _mattered_ to him.

 

(Junhoe)

Dude, where are you?

 

(Donghyuk)

Hellooooooo

 

But Bobby waited, he waited for Hanbin’s message. For even when Bobby is not thinking, he is still thinking about Kim Hanbin.

The message never came around.

*

Two days later, Bobby returned to his friends. There’s a resolve between Junhoe, Donghyuk and Bobby, but they never got to the root of the problem, never spoken about Hanbin, never spoken about what Hanbin does to Bobby’s feelings.

But they did make him feel better.

Hanbin sat across Bobby during lunch, his eyes never met Bobby’s. Neither of them exchanged any form of greetings, Bobby was anxious, broken and all in all tired. He wishes he’d given up on Hanbin, but every time Hanbin laughs, from his cheekbones to the crinkle of his eyes, Bobby falls even more.

Bobby honestly doesn’t even know how he got through the day, one minute he’s sitting in some kind of compulsory educational talk, then he’s doing labs with donghyuk and then suddenly he’s walking towards the gate, the sun going lower and lower, the eerie familiar setting of the very meaningful day he shared with Hanbin, well… at least meaningful to him. Bobby laughs bitterly, _it’s stupid, really._

He takes the same train back to his apartment.

When he gets back, kicks his shoes to the side, notices the green colour vans sitting neatly in the middle, his heart quickens. _Anybody can own those shoes,_ he thinks, but a part of him just knows that those were Hanbin’s. Donghyuk comes out from his room,

“Hyung,” he starts, “yeah uh, Hanbin is in your room?”

Bobby deadpans.

“I don’t know why, but he’s in your room.”

Bobby nods slowly, he’s eyebrows knitted.

“And also, there’s some cake in the fridge,” Donghyuk finishes before he closes his door shut.

Bobby’s feet move on their own, he grabs the cake from the fridge, and two forks. The cake isn’t his, and there’s a sticky note that read ‘eat but please don’t finish it bobby-hyung.’ _I’ll buy you another one Junhoe,_ Bobby thinks.

The door to his room has never felt as heavy as it does now. It creaked open, and with that Hanbin sat up abruptly from Bobby’s bed. He looks slightly disarranged, his hair was flying everywhere and Bobby noticed, even with just the night light shining, the apprehensiveness of Hanbin’s form. Hanbin doesn’t say anything, just raises his hands a little, and he sits suddenly so small compared to Bobby’s entire room.

“Cake?” Bobby asks awkwardly.

He walks to the table beside his bed, dropping his bag on the chair as he places the ¾ worth of chocolate cake on the table (Hanbin’s favourite flavour by the way).

“I’m sorry, if I did anything wrong,” Hanbin says, delayed.

Bobby doesn’t respond, suddenly the round edges of the plate seemed far more interesting than the conversation hanging thick and heavy in the air.

“Bobby,” Hanbin calls quietly.

And it was all it takes for Bobby’s heart to sink again. Again, and again. Over and over.

“You know me… Sometimes I’m just really dense and insensitive,” Hanbin continues, his voice hushed.

Bobby tightens his grip on the forks.

“And I know, that I mean,” Hanbin coughs, “I know I did something, and I was, I was waiting for you to come over to me, because that’s what you always do for me?”

“You always gave me time to sort myself out and stuff, so I was, I just thought you wanted to have some space because I was being overly clingy,” Hanbin finishes, his lips in a thin line as he fixes his nervous eyes on the tips of fingernails.

“The last thing I wanted was some stupid space between us,” Bobby answers, and he’s surprised himself to sound sure for once.

“Then what’s wrong?”

Bobby turns around, finally setting the forks down, “The problem is _me_.”

“The problem is not you, Hanbin, it’s me,” Bobby presses, there’s this bubbling sensation—burning in fury, and Bobby is afraid, because this time it doesn’t seem to be controllable.

“I fucking love you Hanbin,” Bobby says in a breath, and this time his tears gave holding in up. It felt good. It’s out there now, there’s nothing he can do to take it back.

Hanbin sat still, he’s looking at Bobby straight in the eyes, all the times Bobby notices things about Hanbin’s expressions, but it’s this one that he couldn’t put a finger on.

“And you, you just don’t know, even though I’m partly of blame, because I’ve been doing this inconspicuous stupid flirting that everyone thinks it’s some kind of hidden talent I have with me all these while, but it’s really just my coping mechanism because of all these crushing feelings I have for you that is suffocating me and I can’t tell you because it’s too much, and knowing you, you’d probably start running.”

“And for the love of god, Hanbin, I’ve been trying, I’ve really been trying to _not_ love you,” Bobby chokes back the tears, “but it’s really, in the end, all I can think about is you, even when I’m not thinking, I’m thinking about you Hanbin.”

Bobby takes a sharp breath, he tries to blink all tears away, but all it does is fall harder.

“Please leave,” he says quietly.

Hanbin dips his tongue out, licking his dried lips, trying to find the right words.

“Leave,” Bobby says, more insistently.

Hanbin leaves.

*

The next day, Bobby stays in his room, locked away from reality, locked away from the world. His phone buzzed so much that it died on its own. And after all the knocks from Donghyuk and Junhoe, all Bobby manages to say was, “I’m fine.”

He knows he’s done some pretty good fuck up now. The moment he wakes up in the morning, with all the adrenaline washed off from the sleep (if you can even call drifting between awake and asleep, sleeping), Bobby thinks about all of the things he said.

And all he feels is regret, regret and more regrets.

There are hundreds of ways to properly tell Hanbin how he feels, but Bobby just have to do that one way that will trigger any sort of bad reaction from Hanbin. Hanbin, a broken human, the more Bobby blames himself in an argument, the more Hanbin blames himself for Bobby blaming himself. Confusing. But that is the Hanbin that Bobby has come to love altogether. Complex and bittersweet.

He turns over, muffling his face with a pillow.

“Why………”

-

It’s four in the morning. And Bobby’s lying wide awake on his bed, he hasn’t slept a wink that day, and he should honestly get up and refill his water bottle or look for some forms of sustenance. So, he creeps out from his room, the common lounge cold and lonely. He dips his feet out, shutting his door as quietly as he can. The lights in Donghyuk and Junhoe’s room dim, asleep.

Bobby shuffles over to the fridge, opening he sees a box of takeout that read,

‘if you’re awake just eat this… hoe, haha love u’ – junhoe

‘hyung, its your favourite :)’ -donghyuk

Bobby smiles, he takes the container out and throws it in the microwave, watches as the timer ticks, waiting to stop it when it reaches 00:01.

_00:05_

_00:04_

_00:03_

_00:02_

“Bobby,” a whisper comes. Bobby jolts.

 _00:01_ _DING_

Bobby winces, he turns around to stare at the doors, praying to god that none of them heard the microwave, he waited, _1…2…3…4-_

“Bobby,” the whisper comes again.

There’s footsteps outside the door. Bobby gags, honestly, terrified for his life.

“Um, yes?” Bobby replies near the door, uncertain.

“Oh, thank god, it’s me.”

Bobby’s heart stops for a brief moment, _maybe he shouldn’t have answered that._

He opens the door, and there Hanbin stands, in his black oversized winter jacket that looks oddly familiar, there’s a gust of wind and Bobby shivers. He lets Hanbin in without a word.

Hanbin stood by the door way, behind Bobby, still in his green vans that feels traumatizing for Bobby.

“Kimchi fried rice in this hour?” Hanbin asks.

Bobby laughs, “Yeah, sort of.”

Hanbin sniffles, rubbing his nose with the back of his hand. The tips of finger stiff.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Bobby bemuses.

“I was just hoping you were awake.”

“And what if I wasn’t?”

“Then I’d go back.”

“Dude…” Bobby starts, thinks about what to say, but chooses not to.

He turns around, heading towards his kimchi fried rice, behind him, Hanbin slides off his green vans.

“Can we talk…?” he asks, slowly and carefully. “But like in your room, without the fried rice, because its honestly making me a little nauseous at 4 in the morning.” He laughs, and god, Bobby thought he’d never be able to hear it again.

*

Hanbin walks ahead of Bobby, letting himself into the room, the moment he gets into his room, he starts pacing back and forth as Bobby shuts the door behind him.

“Okay,” Hanbin, “Hear me out, okay.”

“Okay.”

“Listen—”

“Yeah.”

“No, no, no, shut up and just listen,” Hanbin says, he raises his eyebrows at the end of the sentence and Bobby tries hard to stifle his laughter.

“I thought about it today, okay, all day.”

“Okay.”

“Bobby, I’m being serious.”

“I know.”

“Then, stop smiling like a dork!!”

“I’m not?”

“You are! You’re supposed to be more jittery, don’t be so composed!”

“I’m not, I’m just glad, you thought about it, because you’re always, _‘what about yesterday’_.”

“Are you mocking me?”

“Not really, except yes, maybe.”

“I’m not even half way into my conclusion, you’re a fucking idiot.”

“Okay.”

“And you’re—what? No, retaliate, fight me!!”

“What…?” Bobby asks again laughing now Hanbin mutters something under his breath as Bobby walks over to him still pacing around the room.

“Okay, Bobby, I’m serious, I thought about this, and I want—”

Bobby closes the distance between them and he kisses Hanbin full on the lips. Hanbin’s plump lips—soft and cold against Bobby’s warm ones. There was no motion, just the intimate connection between two beings.

Bobby tears himself away from Hanbin.

“I wasn’t, I didn’t even say,” Hanbin stutters.

“I know.”

“Yeah?” Hanbin tempts, smiling that same smile he does whenever he sees an amusing video.

“Yeah, there’s this thing called experience from looking at someone too much.”

Hanbin laughs, punching Bobby on the shoulder, “Sorry.”

“What made… I mean, why did you think…?”

“Your jacket,” Hanbin chuckles as he takes a step back and raises both of his arms.

_That’s why it looked so familiar..._

“I just saw it and I thought, yeah, Bobby.”

Bobby guffaws. Sighing he drapes an arm over the front of Hanbin and pulls him down into bed with him, “Thank you.”

“For what?” Hanbin asks as he snuggles closer to Bobby.

Bobby wraps his arms around Hanbin, feeling all the feelings at once, he doesn’t answer Hanbin’s question but just draws him closer.

 

To Hanbin, Bobby is the irresistible connection to the real world. Bobby keeps him intact.

To Bobby, Hanbin is the purpose.

 

**Author's Note:**

> hello again! you've reached the end!! i'm surprised... actually, i have no idea where the inspiration came from, but lately i've been feeling all these feelings and i decided you know what i'll put it out there.
> 
> the ending was sort of just out there, you see.. i'm trying to show that Hanbin has always feel things for Bobby, like it's always there but he just never realized it. and sometimes, it's the small irrelevant things that reminds or lets use remember the most important thing.
> 
> i hope the timeline of the fic isn't too confusing, i tried to think of ways to make it better. basically, the past tense are those things that have already happened and the present tense are those things that are currently taking place? I think I sort of jumbled them up somewhere in between (i am prone to mistakes you see,..) so i'm sorry.  
> Thank you!


End file.
